CRASHING! KILLER SPAM SCAM PORN FLOOD APPROACHING!

Hold on tight, folks, because a massive tidal wave of spam is about to explode down on your inbox. We're talking atrocious amounts of phony emails packed with vile porn. These bastards are trying to scam you out of your hard-earned money, so be totally vigilant. Don't click on any links in these emails, and block them immediately. Be smart!